End Of July (ehhh)
GOOD AFTERNOON NERDS
Decided to actually go out to them gay little napkin tosses. I went to two and they're cute but I'm gonna be real here, I can't go out by myself. I need a friend.
But at the same time, I felt... something deep inside me get strengthened the moment I was out alone.
I shouldn't be gay and alone, but here I am, being gay and alone... anyways,
I've been in a mental turmoil for some time now. I love my job don't get me wrong but I kinda realized I really can't adjust to going into work (by commute) every day. I'm being dead serious too.
I also don't want to lose my Friday and Saturday evenings, and I also don't want to... have to be beholden to a schedule.
I had to do a lot of thinking and introspection, and I had to sit back and kinda think about what I wanted my goal(s) to be for the future. Like, what do I actually want?
COVID-19 kinda revealed two things:
- I hate the idea of online schooling, I don't have anyway to move around, get fresh air, see people/new people/new friends, etc. I was stuck staring at a screen or dreaming of going outside (my dad + grandma at the time couldn't be around germs for obvious reasons)
- I love the idea of online schooling, I'm able to do things at my own pace and still get a quality education, my professors were always available and I was able to ask them questions, along with asking my classmates questions. I was able to ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO 24/7, esp during COVID when a lot more people were up late at night.
With this, I came to the following conclusion in the last month... again.
I want a remote job. I want to do graphic design, or full-stack web development, or mobile development, or game development, or social media marketing/designing ad campagins (this is a whole seperate rant)
I've learned that I really, REALLY want remote work. One thing I notice with remote workers is they have the following:
- Freedom of Movement. They're able to work where they want and as they please. They could be fully dressed up in a co-working office space, they could be fully naked at a nude beach. But as long as they're working, does it matter?
- Freedom of Time, or at least, a lot more freedom compared to a typical 40/hr week worker. Because they're remote, they're able to partake in more events or do more things throughout the week. You could just... take your job with you.
- I notice a lot of events in my city I can't go to due to my inflexibility of time, it was no different when I was in college a few years ago, but now the stakes are much higher if I miss a work day.
- Freedom of Expression. This kinda ties back into freedom of movement. But I'm able to wear what I want to work, just as long as I'm presentable for the camera (if there's a meeting). I can wear a full suit and walk into a co-working space cosplaying as something I'm not, I could wear a polo and khaki shorts (ik its basic but it's comfortable asf for me for some reason), or I could wear oversized tee and basketball shorts (comfy, but loose, not my fav, at least i'm ready for the gym at any time).
As a 9-5 (or well, 8-4:30, 11:30-8, and 3:30-midnight) worker, what I get is:
- Stability. Remote workers can have this, but if I was a Freelancer or worked for a Startup, I would be a LOT less stable
- Familiarity. My manager + my team are all cool asf. They teach me what to do/what not to do, and there's also the rest of the people at my workplace that I know, and that know me.
- A nice change of scenery. Although sometimes I'm in my office for an extended period of time, I'm still able to step out and help people with their hardware/phone/printer issues.
But then I also have to commute everyday. My commute isn't bad, but having to wake up at 6am and then leave for 7:20am (at the latest) just to arrive around 7:50ish and then FINALLY get into the office for 8am (gotta walk a good chunk to my actual workplace) is a fairly large chunk of time for me.
"But Antonio, this is what people do, this is the real world!"
Respectfully, screw that way of thinking.
I see people starting up businesses left and right online. It could be as rinse and repeat as software development, or selling weird and obscure stuff off Etsy. I know I can have remote work, and I don't mean JUST being a freelancer either, I mean I work for a company remotely (or start one), whether it's local or global, I want remote work. I don't want to be locked into a commute.
Remote work isn't a "dream", it was a legitimate reality that was taken away from us by corporate big wigs that couldn't fathom their workers being happy not having to endlessly commute into an office. They'd have enough time to take care of their families, or other errands AND still work at the same time.
---------------------
OK. That chunk of the rant is over, let's talk about something unrelated now.
a few weeks ago, my... uh... "second boss" (not sure how to refer to him, he's technically not my boss, but he also is?) told us that the entire team would lose Admin Privileges. I legitimately thought, for the entire weekend leading up to the following Tuesday (I.E. last week) that we'd lose our admin privileges and lose the ability to do ANYTHING at the job.
Well guess what? We uh... we did. But then corporate decided to give us special I.T. admin accounts that are still admins (sort of) that can do things like lock/unlock accounts and install things. They unveiled this on Thursday. I freaked out for nothing.
My brain spiraled, I thought I was losing my job, I even thought of the potential dark reality and its like "oh no it's just an extra headache for us, that's it, we're not losing shit."
There were so many layoffs from Microsoft and Meta and Google and everyone else to where I thought my company would've laid me off lmaooooooooooooo
But that was kind of the wake up call I needed, I've been dragging my feet hard lately when it comes to teaching myself design, and work on various other ideas in the back of my mind. Along with re-vamping this website.
I like using Publii if I'm being real here, but the project is moving at a snail's pace, I'm considering experimenting with Drupal/WP and re-posting everything into Drupal (or WordPress).
I want to do more. I want to do better.
Ugh, I can't believe I used most of this blog post to rant about remote work or whatever. I could've been talking about how I shouldn't have been such a hardass when it came to personal upskilling a few years ago in the realm of Social Media Marketing but instead I just... ugh. I'm sorry, my head hurts. and I'm off my train of thought.
"but this is a blog post just read your draft" shut the up!!!! shut. the. up. ok?! thank.
oh yeah i also picked up a guy at the gay bar, like, physically picked him up, i also kissed him too. so... 6 men kissed so far! 1 in August of 2023, 4 in June (whoops), and 1 in July. Maybe I'll go to Bearracuda- actually no I can't i'm broke as fuck and no one to cover my shift LMAOOOOOOOOO
I signed up for a boujee ass gym. I was supposed to go this past Sunday but... my brother and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to do it this Monday evening but... also tired. Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery tired.
Tuesday for sure though... not kidding either.
(shoutout to my grandma for keeping us up and giving us mental anguish by falling out of the bed like several times in a given 5 day span, don't worry, she's fine, she just enjoys falling out of the bed and ignoring my mom)
I'm going to make a "second" post sooner than later, I have some thoughts I actually do need to yap about pertaining to other things that've been itching away at my mind. I'm sorry this blog post was so weird and strange, but I kinda had to yap about it. Life has just been... weird.